Sorry captain Jack hasn’t posted anything in a long time I was mostly waiting for Lin to post something a bit more substantial than a cartoon of a delenquit toddler aspiring to be Charlie Sheen but my wait was in vain as you all very well know. But another reason is that I’m scared. Not of aliens or the boogeyman or even Zee Germans wich are all perfectlly normal things to be scared of ( and don’t let anyone tell you other wise). But of the idea that the thing I’ve held onto my whole life might not be true. And it’s not a wholly new idea either it’s simple and easy to follow. it’s magical and utterlly joyful. It’s the idea of love. The idea that there is someone for everyone. I’ve held onto this idea for so long Its what keeps me going sometimes. When I feel shitty it’s what makes me bear it. When you’ve had and utterly horrible day it’s what makes you know it’ll get better. When you’ve lost all hope it’s the glimmer on the horizon. But I just don’t know anymore maybe it’s not even there maybe it’s just something a poet long ago invented so that he’d have a better chance at getting laid. Because as much as it is a hope as much as it is an utterlly wonderful idea. It will always hurt like hell. It will always turn on you. And worst of all it might not even smile at you. It might not even show u it’s face. So that you live your whole life without ever smelling it’s wonderfully intoxicating aroma. But there’s something worse than all of that. When love does show it’s face to your bare and empty heart. And fills it with that wonderful light and warmth. And then abandons it just as quickly as it found it. And leaves you forever to rot and weep at the loss of it. And just for kicks it teases you with a glance just a glimmer of it’s face and u hope its found you again but it’s all just a fucking joke a ploy to get you to feel even worse. And something that does that. How can it be good how can it be right. How can it be the thing that makes the world go round. And I’m scared that my whole concept of life is now going to need to be rethought. And I don’t know what to base it off of.
You.. Yes you the dark one sitting in the corner wrapped up in your own self pitty and hate. Yes you with your self rightous anger at why she could do such a thing as leave you. When after all you are perfect and without flaw. I’ll enlighten your little pathetic narrow mind. She did it because you are not perfect or right. You are not without flaw or blemish. If anything you are the personification of those very words. You are those things in esance and soul. You yelled at her for doing wrong when your eyes where blind to the wrong you do . You screamed at her for being inperfect when you are far from even being called avarage. She is not the scourage of the earth you cretin. She is the love that can repair the scourage and make a scorched world green and full of life and bloom. She is not the whore or useless being that you called her but instead a beuty that words cheapen in there lame atempts to describe her. She is a 40 Day Dream that you foolishlly thought was yours to control. She is the cool night air that makes spring nights so magical and the moonlight by wich you can see the magic. You thought you had the right to control her? To make her do as you wished? That anyone could even fathom those thoughts shows just how hopless you are. Because of you the most beutiful and RIGHT thing I know now hates the very consept of love because of you! She no longer believes in fairytale love when by all rights she is a fairytale. Because of you my heart breaks at her sorrow because of you her dream of amor is shattered. So how dare you waist one second of your life sulking about how she left you. When you need every second of eternity to make up for the damage you did.
The head of a company survived 9/11 because
His son started kindergarten.
Another fellow was alive because it was
His turn to bring donuts.
One woman was late because her
Alarm clock didn’t go off in time.
One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
Because of an auto accident.
One of them
Missed his bus.
One spilled food on her clothes and had to take
Time to change.
Car wouldn’t start.
Get a taxi.
The one that struck me was the man
Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
Took the various means to get to work but before.
He got there, he developed a blister on his foot.
He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
That is why he is alive today..
Now when I am
Stuck in traffic,
Miss an elevator,
Turn back to answer a ringing telephone…
All the little things that annoy me,
I think to myself,
This is exactly where
I’m meant to be
At this very moment
Ok dear readers it’s time for you guys to hear my one complaint about the great awsome state I come from. Let me preface this by saying I fucking love my state. I’m a Texan before I’m an American and remembering the Alamo is like asking me to remember my name. And to say the least if my child has to be born in another state I’ll wind up putting Texas dirt under the gurney so he can be born over Texas soil. But to all the good awsome and totally fantastically great things there are to my state there is one draw back. I’m a shit ton of a long ass ways away from my best friend. Now I’m used to being a long ways away from friends. Hell I lived in Mexico for 6 years. But what I’m not used to is caring for my friends so much and not being able to help them. Like when my friend calls me at 12 at night crying because her dick of a boyfriend brokeup with her. I can’t hop in my car and drive to her house and give her a big ass bear hug and give her a bag of skittles. Or for Valentines day I can’t really make her feel special like she deserves. Even tho I know I have some pretty bad ass ways of doing it. And probably worst of all I can’t just call her up and see if she wants to go shoot empty beer cans on a boring afternoon. I can’t just be there and have boring and absolutally memorable fun with her. And it also sucks that I can’t have those memorable talks that all friends have. More from the fact that she hates talking on the phone over the whole distance thing. But still I wish I could just tell her in person. That I’m here to be her friend above and before all else. So even tho it totally sucks being so far away. Her totally badass awsomeness makes up for it and makes it worth while.
The sound of it takes you to that place. That place only you know and cherish. Where the very sound of life is magical. Where there’s snow in the middle of summer and the sun shines at the dead of night. And cows tell you good day and are bespectacled madmen with black velvet top hats. The sound takes you to that moment when you could have kissed her and you did. It sweeps you up into that undiscribable emotion that comes when you hear the dreamy smooth cords of that one song that makes you feel at peace with our mad hatters world. It is what stays your thoughts of scientific explenations of God. And what makes you look at the stars and know that there is something magical about our universe. That fairies could roam the woods and elves could climb the trees hidden by there own magic. The sound is what at the end of a long day you know what the great poets and writters felt. It is the emotion that words havnt and cannot describe. Because it’s to big for that it’s massive in it’s own simplicity. And it’s what you wish you could feel with a lover. Not during a sunshiny day at the park. But at night by the ocean with the stars so bright each is a moon in there own right. The Sound is magical it’s what I think we all feel right before we pass on. Weather our deaths be slow or fast wether they be bloody and painful or bloodless and dreamy it’s what I belive we all HAVE To feel in order to pass from this world to the next.
Well, Seeing as Jack is full of fucking love berries I guess I’ll be the one to keep his feet on the ground. He may of had a huge helping of “shit-all-day” for breakfast, but all I have to eat is Hatestew.
Love is not pretty, it is not fun, it is not warm. It makes me sick, and is a trap that insnares you for life. Heaven forbid, you fall in love with the wrong person and have to pay for it for the rest of your life. Like me. Oops.
Ok so today’s blog will be drastically differant than last weeks not only in mood but in that the mood I’m in is also way happyer. Not because I had a heart healthy meal of bran flakes and cranberrys. Or that because of the bran I now have to take a massive detox shit every 10 min. If you havnt pieced together thatI had a massive bowl of Bran Flakes and had a mild hernia than by all means do the world a favor and end your substantially below par gene pool and go jump off a bridge. Or if that’s to hard just go eat a bowl of bran flakes bigger than mine. No folks it’s not even that I got a new bad ass blackberry and got a damn sexy pic text of Lin. Nope it’s that I finally realized that I am in Love. Now I know this might seem like a totally redundant statment givin that you usually realize it like a smack in the face not gradually over time. But mine happened both ways. And I know that’s a contridiction but who gives a shit so are Teddy bears ( those evil little bastards). No I just realized it because I was actually having a bad day yesterday. And since those have been in high demand by the Bad Days for Jack beura I was not only depressed but disheartened as well. So there I was sitting in my van ( Yes I drive a van not by choice tho) listening to my iPod thru my recentlly bought cassete adapter. When a song I had long forgot came on. And it was the song I judge all other love songs by. Because it is the only song that I have found to trully make you think of the one you love. Not the one you think you love but the one who makes your day a shining Ray of Sunshiney Sunieness even when there rainclouds as black as jet everywhere around you. And sure enough I actually thought of someone. I havnt thought of anyone when listening to that song in forever. And now that I have I just can’t stop smiling. Hell it’s like when you eat a bowl of chili and can’t stop farting. Dammit I ate a massive bowl of sunshine and I can’t stop smiling! And granted if she found out she would freak. Like A fat kid who just learned there’s no more chocolate in the world kind of freak. But I just hopes she knows that Im not going to fuck this up. Yes I have a track record as bad as Jefry Dauhmers when it comes to love. But I just wanted to say that I am nuts about this chick. But in a good controlled non clingy way . Not the I’m a bleading heart romantic way. But in that classic over colorful 1950s way that always makes you laugh out loud. So to end this I’m just going to say for those of you who arnt in love. You need to get in Live because as complicated and messy and totally unenjoyable it can be. in the end It will always ALWAYS give you that warm overflowing feeling deep inside that’s just about the whole damn reason you wake up in the mornings. So until next time folks stay away from the bran. Or any large bowls of chili.
Set your clocks fw.
Not only do we all loose one hour of precious sleepy dream dream time, but the days actually get longer. Oh yay. LONGER DAYS. WTF who the hell thought that up? Daylight will now extend even further, therefore you must do more in one day. Psh.
I want to sign a petition that says “I dont even enjoy life, therefor the days should NOT get longer”
Depressing? Maybe… but its true. Alas, i may be the only one who feels this way, but what the hell, I am an outsider.
Sorry I havnt posted in a while Boys and Girls. The unforgiving nature of my surcumstance has prevented me from posting anything in a while. Now givin the rather drab and deppresing title of my blog you might be inclined to belive that this will be one deppresing post. But I didnt intend for it to be that way and hope that it dosnt turn into one. More than anything I hope it will say what I feel and have for so long wanted to say and havnt ever really had the right words to convey. Mostly its that im lonely. Not for friends. That I have, Maybe not the most but I do have them and they do a great job at being friends. But that I dont have is anyone to Love or to Love me back . That at the end of a shitty day all I have to come home to is a rather comfortable bed and whatever I choose to eat that evening. Be it a twinkie and a Coke or a nice Slow Roasted Chicken Breast with A Smokey Cherry Glaze. And I once thought that I could live this way with no one to come home to or to want me home. But I cant. I cant stand it! I dont know how much longer I can go on like this. With only the dull tick tock of the cheap timex alarm clock to tick away the hours till dawn. No I want to know that if I so choose I can hear the soft rise and fall of my lovers chest all night. To know that when I hold Her that every bit of the warmth that I hold in my arms is as much centered around me as mine is for her. But im genuinlly starting to think it wont happen not because Ive tried and failed. Or that I dont think im attractive enough. Its because I cant see any hope in my life for this to change. Because im always the friend and the consoler and the person that you call at midnight when your boyfriend breaks up with you. Im always calling her, she never call’s me. You see my Dear Readers I have some how become (without any intentions of becoming it) The Friend. The wholey Usless and most despised of all creation in my eyes. I serve no other purpose in this life other than to ensure that someones Girlfriend or Girlfriend to be has a good friend to lean on. Someone to forget about until I make them think of me by sending them another annoying text. And Girls if you are reading this. Do Captain Jack a favor. That sweet guy whos just your friend. HE LOVES YOU! He breathes the next breathe not to maintain life but to maintain his friendship to you. He dosnt just think of you when he reades your texts or answers your one call a year. He wakes up to think of you and he falls asleep to dream of you. So next time you see him (or if hes a few to many miles away to see Call) do him the greatest honor you could do and level with him. If you feel the same way then I salute you and you will forever be in my book of People Not To Hate. But if you dont feel the same way. Shame on you for leading him this far. And do him the curtisy of telling him so. And do not belive him if he says you can really just be friends. Cut off all ties to him and let the wounds you have created heal. And then maybe one day he can really be your friend. Or He will wind up like your witty Narrartor. Bitter and Lonelly and forever waiting upon that one Girl to call and need him not as a Friend but as a Man. But you see this wont ever happen to me. You see Im a lost cause and theres no helping it. So until the next time I deside to break away from my work and write you guys. Remember Lady’s there is no such thing as a Friend.